Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that causes a victim to question their own reality. It involves manipulating an individual’s perception of reality, leading them to doubt their experiences, memories, and sanity. This insidious behavior can occur in personal relationships, workplaces, and within the context of larger social dynamics.

What is Self-Gaslighting

Sometimes, self-gaslighting and external gaslighting intersect. Victims of external gaslighting may internalize the manipulation, leading to self-doubt. It’s like second-guessing, you doubt your own memory or intuition, thinking, “maybe I’m wrong.” minimizing Feelings ignoring red flags, or to dismiss or gut feelings. External gaslighting is when someone intentionally manipulates someone else’s perception of reality. It involves tactics aimed at making the victim doubt their sanity or experiences for example saying things like “you’re too sensitive” or “you’re imagining things.”

Recognizing Self-Gaslighting

Recognizing gaslighting is the first step toward reclaiming your sense of self and seeking help if needed. Trust your instincts and prioritize your well-being. 

Signs of Gaslighting

Here are some of the important signs that helps one to identify if they are self-gaslighting or engaging in needless self-doubt:

Feeling Crazy or Wrong: Gaslighting makes you feel sensitive, crazy, or consistently in the wrong.

Trusting Others’ Decisions Over Yours: You find yourself relying more on others’ judgments over your own.

Confusion and Isolation: Gaslighting leaves you feeling confused, isolated, and even depressed.

Apologizing for Your Partner’s Behavior: You make excuses for your partner’s actions, even when deep down, you sense something isn’t right

Examples of Gaslighting

Gaslighters lie to manipulate reality. They might say, “I didn’t do that,” “I would never say that,“ or may also create false stories or convince others that you’re crazy. They might say, no one will ever believe you. They may try to convince you that others don’t like you, or sabotage other relationships, creating confusion and cognitive dissonance. 

Common triggers for gaslighting in various relationships include:

Things like challenging authority, expressing disagreement, setting boundaries, success, and emotional vulnerability, seeking independence, and bringing up past events can all provoke gaslighting behaviors. Recognizing these triggers empowers individuals to protect their mental well-being.

Effects on Mental Health

Gaslighting causes constant doubt and confusion. Victims may feel anxious, stressed, and constantly on edge due to the emotional rollercoaster.

Here are some gaslighting behaviors that may affect individuals:

• Belittling and Discrediting: Gaslighters may sometimes want to “control” the relationship so they try to dismiss or discredit the victim

• Medical Disregard: A gaslighter might discourage their partner from taking getting treatment or taking medication claiming to know what’s best

• False Accusations: Gaslighters may cheat frequently but obsessively accuse their partner of cheating. This is called Projection.

Sometimes when we “people please and/or have grown up focused on others’ needs we use self-gaslighting.  This is indeed detrimental to our well-being. When individuals engage in self-gaslighting, they undermine their own perception of reality, leading to confusion, self-doubt, and emotional distress. It can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, and depression.

Can You Gaslight Yourself into Liking Someone?

While it’s not exactly gaslighting in the traditional sense, individuals can certainly influence their own emotions through cognitive processes. Here are some ways this might happen: you might convince yourself that you like someone because they possess certain desirable qualities (even if your initial feelings were neutral). Focusing on positive aspects of the person and ignoring negative ones can lead to increased attraction.  Also someone who is manipulative can “love-bomb” you and try to make you feel guilty about not wanting a relationship with them.

Impact on Relationships

The impact of gaslighting on relationships can be profound and damaging. It erodes trust between partners. When one person consistently manipulates the other’s perception of reality, trust fractures. Victims begin to doubt their own perceptions, memories, and feelings. They may struggle with self-worth, intimacy, and forming healthy relationships in the future.

Seeking Support and Therapy

Share your concerns with someone you trust—a friend or family member. Talking about your experiences can provide validation and emotional support. Seeking guidance from a therapist or counselor who specializes in trauma and abuse can be immensely helpful. They can provide a safe space to explore your feelings, develop coping strategies, and work towards healing.

Conclusion:

Experiencing gaslighting can be incredibly distressing. It’s essential to educate yourself about this form of emotional abuse, recognize the signs, and understand its impact. However, professional help is crucial. Consider connecting with a therapist or counselor who specializes in trauma and abuse. Remember, you’re not alone, and seeking help is a courageous step forward.